Defying MS...Everyday

Want to know how I've been feeling lately? I've been feeling VICTORIOUS. Yep, I've got the victory and I'm so glad I can say that again.

I've been doing well since the semester started, but definitely busy. I decided to pick up where I left off after freshman year. These were the days of naive, carefree, pre-MS bliss. I was involved in too many organizations to count, I exercised in the gym almost everyday and I was able to keep up with the best of 'em when it came to partying. Last year, after being hit with such life-changing (and depressing) news, I fell into a slump. Nevertheless, it was a "Jessica-slump," which means I wasn't exactly slacking...just not doing as much as I usually did. I was a Resident Assistant, a member of the Executive Board for Honors College, radio DJ, etc...but I would also lock myself in my room for hours at a time without realizing how much time had passed. I didn't exercise and I spent most of my time either in my room or traveling back home. I spent way too much time with these thoughts of mind- and with the cognitive effects of the previous medication I was on...these thoughts were not exactly pleasant.

Now, while I have not bounced back from the partying aspect of my younger self (which, looking back now at how much I've been through in just a year, seems light-years away), I have jumped back into the rest of my life head-first when it comes to joining and leading organizations or hanging out regularly with friends. Luckily, with this new medication- fatigue is no longer an issue, and neither is depression. Not only have I re-joined the University gospel choir (once again, strictly for my sanity and peace of mind), I am still a Resident Assistant, I am an on-campus intern for the University's Public Relations Office, chair of the entire Honors College, ambassador of a large-scale community service project taking place in late-October. I'm still involved with campus radio station and I'm even preparing to help host a state-wide Women's conference next week, back at home! Based on where I'm supposed to be right now (as far as feelings go), I'm completely off-track. A doctor might tell you that based on my recent diagnosis, I'm most likely depressed, anti-social and reclusive. I'm probably not doing much right now because I'm too worried about getting stressed and having a relapse. I'm probably not involved in much because I'm too sad.

Well right now, I feel like I'm slapping Multiple Sclerosis in the face by staying active, staying happy and staying optimistic. I'm back in the saddle and I've never been more comfortable. This is where I always have been and where I always plan to be.

I even started running!

It's funny how God works sometimes, isn't it? I was looking at my vision board one day and explaining it to a person in my dorm. She asked my why I had so many pictures of women running, when I had told her that I absolutely HATE and have always HATED running. I thought this was interesting because she was right. Even though I hate running, I've always admired those women who get up and run miles with ease before the sun comes up. I've always been curious about that "runner's high" I hear about. I've always envied the fact that they can get up and just go. When I told her this and told her that one day I would be the same way she challenged me.

"Well, when are you gonna get started on that vision?" she asked.
My mind went blank. "I don't know..." I told her. "One day, I guess."
"How about tomorrow?" she raised one eyebrow and smirked. Before I could respond, she explained. "I'm a long-distance runner," she said. "I ran every morning this summer and I just put together a group of a couple of girls, experienced and inexperienced, to start jogging with me in the morning- Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 5:30 am."

You would think the ridiculous time would have been the deal-breaker right? Haha, well actually I saw this as a new, exciting and scary opportunity to start making this "vision" a reality. I was even able to cross this off my bucket list (which is a big deal, because those tasks are not easy ones to accomplish)! For about a month now, I've been rising with the sun and running three times a-week. I'm far from a pro, but I've been able to impress myself each time. We began with five girls, now it's three of us on a good day. The girl who invited me to come has cancelled a few times...and I still went out to do it anyway! We stretch for five minutes and attempt to run for 30 minutes. After about four weeks, I'm proud to say I can now run for fifteen minutes without stopping. The rest of the fifteen minutes is a run/walk combination, for me. It's been difficult but I'm actually enjoying it! This is the girl who used to get nauseous at the sight of a track and cry from anxiety every time she had to race! This same girl is actually enjoying running! I guess it's mind over matter, huh?

This would make no sense, whatsoever to a doctor. I'm an anomaly. If you saw my MRI, you would not think the person it matched with would even be able to get out of bed in the morning. A doctor would say that I'm most likely too fatigued from the disease to run. I don't have enough energy to make it as far as I do. I probably wouldn't have the emotional and physical endurance to keep moving.

Running is so empowering to me; it makes me feel like I have some power over my condition and it makes me feel like I'm slapping Multiple Sclerosis in the face every time I finish running. When I first started running a couple week ago, I would always say, "I'm not supposed to be able to do this!" Now, I say to MS, "Catch me if you can!" Running makes me feel physically strong and physically able- and best of all, it makes me feel like I'm now one of those smiling, strong joggers that I cut out of Women's Health Magazine!

MS is supposed to stop you from moving...but by staying socially and physically active, I am disproving a medically-proven fact and confusing all the specialists. And, rest assured, I plan to continue back-slapping MS for the rest of my life. #EVL >:)