Kissing 2011 Goodbye

This year my philosophy was definitely "If it feels good, go towards it. If it feels bad, walk away." I was pretty caught up on the concept of happiness - what/who made me happy and what/who I could do without. Because of this a lot of things and people got cut. If I felt like you were overly negative when i was around you, you most likely saw less of me. The same went for actions; if I didn't feel like getting up when my alarm rang, I allowed myself to go back to sleep.

While I can say I was pretty happy in 2011, I can definitely admit that a lot was sacrificed because of my philosophy. I was late to work and class too often and I even missed a few appointments that I didn't think were worth my peace of mind. Some friendships were sacrificed too. Simply stated, I spoiled myself and didn't hold myself accountable for much. The majority of the time, matter won out over mind and, unfortunately, it cost me a lot of my self-discipline.


In 2012, I'm cracking down. It was fun to do what I wanted for awhile - whether it was Waffle House in the middle of the night or sleeping through a class every now and then, but as I approach true independence post-grad I want to gain a better handle on what I do and how I spend my time. I admit that at times I've allowed other people to keep me in line over the years; my mom, my dad, my friend, my boyfriend, etc. But I've got to grow up and start building up the self-discipline that I once had to do what I need to do.


SO MANY plans for the new year. Graduating, moving out on my own, going to graduate school and finishing my novel are just a few goals I have. And as I've mentioned before, it's about full-circle revitalization. I've decided that my process for implementing good habits will involve 40-day periods. Just like in Lent, when I give up or take up something for 40 days, I'll be doing that throughout the year, adding a new habit every 40 days. My first habit? Eating out no more than once-a-week. If you know me, you know how difficult that will be, but it will also help me to build up my self-discipline early on in the year.


So, here's a toast to 2012! I'm claiming this year as mine. Off to write these new year's results (not resolutions), get started on this vision board, clean out my proverbial closet and pray in the new year.

What a year ...

Wow. I can't believe it's this time of the year again. 2011 was something else - I grew and learned more about myself than ever before. Before I get into what I have planned for 2012 I think it's fitting to take a glance back to look at some milestones and lessons learned (especially since I neglected to update throughout the year). Here's what went down.


New Year's Eve in Sin City
In my first-ever venture to the left coast, I traveled to Sin City with my two friends, my mom and a friend's mom to bring in the new year. The trip was filled with sad gambling attempts, raunchy shows, fruity spirits and lots of tasty food. It was an interesting way for me to spend new year's eve, mainly because I was used to bringing in the new year either in church or in front of the television with my family, sipping on sparkling cider and munching on cabbage. Needless to say, it was memorable. With a half-empty daiquiri-filled guitar, I stood in the crowded streets of Vegas with my girls as we counted in the new year, squeezing my eyes shut during the fireworks to say a quick prayer for good fortune while a girl threw up next to my feet.


Lessons Learned:
- There's no alcohol in those daiquiris.
- I have weak ankles o_O.
- Don't buy tickets to shows that aren't on the strip lol.
- In-N-Out Burger may have been established by Jesus himself.
- I think the introspective New Year's Eve's are more for me. As much as people want to complain that New Year's Eve is just another day, it's pretty special to me. I love the thought of starting over and spending the evening writing my resolutions (or results, as I'm calling them this year), cleaning out my closet and talking to the big guy upstairs.


Mardi Gras for Spring Break
It was interesting going to "the Big Easy" for spring break. I had been to the city many times before for random events so when my parents warned me that it would be very different from what I had previously experience, I brushed them off. Let's just say that some of the things I saw on Bourbon St. I've never seen IN MY LIFE (meaning on television, in person, in movies, heard about, etc.). There's absolutely nothing like Mardi Gras.


Lessons Learned:
- Don't mix a vacation with the girls with a vacation with your man (learned this the hard way).
- Don't go ham on the first night if you know you're planning to go even harder the second night. I drank half a bottle of something that got me sick the next morning (the last day of Mardi Gras). I was watching the Zulu Parade when the sun came out & hit my face. The next thing I knew, I was throwing up on the side of the road and refused to even look at alcohol the rest of the day.
- Don't go to Bourbon St. sober during Mardi Gras. I'm permanently scarred.


Google.
Let me just say that I never expected to get the internship with Google. I had already confirmed an internship with the Scripps Networks when I got the call. I was driving back from spring break and I can definitely say it literally took my breath away. When I found out I would be working in Michigan I was initially disappointed - both of my classmates at Hampton had been placed in California. Turns out, I was exactly where I needed to be. The summer of 2011 was the best one of my life. The friends and experiences I gained were priceless and truly changed the way I look at the world. I learned about everything from sales and marketing to sushi (I had an intense four-week addiction), beer (I.P.A's and Belgian Ales), dancing (house music will never grow on me), fried eggs on burgers (delish), kayaking (tiring), barre intensity classes, "bromances," hipsters and sustainable living. 12 hours away from home, it was my first time really on my own - my own apartment, my own bills to pay and my own new experiences. I can truly say I lived each day of that summer to the fullest.


Lessons Learned:
- Making it in corporate America is just as much about "fitting in" as it is about standing out in regards to the caliber of your work.
- Building relationships (with the right people) is key.
- When you're scared or nervous to do something, go towards the fear instead of running from it. For example, if you're scared or uncomfortable to meet everyone in your work area, make yourself as uncomfortable as possible by introducing yourself to at least one new person each day. Don't hide in the bathroom with your lunch tray on your lap. A smile can easily hide your discomfort or fear.
- If you're comfortable, you're not growing.


Living Single
I won't lie, it was rough at first. After being in a relationship for more than six years with the same person, it was hard to walk away; but there comes a time when a person needs to be alone. Whether it's for personal reflection or personal joy, being solo can help to provide a perspective that you wouldn't have otherwise had. I've learned a lot in my four month of single-dom and I can honestly say that I'm better for it. I know I'm being vague and I'm not going to go into too much detail because I don't ascribe to putting that type of detail out there for just anybody, but here's a few takeaways.


Lessons Learned:
- You can't ask for what what you're not willing to give. If you want a southern gentleman, ask yourself "am I the epitome of a southern woman?" If you want someone who's respectful, ask yourself "do I respect myself?" To get even deeper, if you want someone to love you, ask yourself "do I love myself?"
- You need to be whole on your own before you can be whole with someone else.
- Being vulnerable is risky business, choose wisely who you're going to let your guard down for.
- Don't risk a friendship for #thethirst.


Other Milestones:
- Seeing my brother play in nationally-televised football games on TV and in person.
- Growing my business (I have an intern!)
- Participating in the MS Women's Conference.
- Founding the Scripps Howard Student Executive Board.
- Helping to sow seeds for the Southeast Raleigh Alumni Association.
- Being selected as a Google Ambassador for Hampton.
- Going to California for the first time!
- Living life as a Howard student for five days!
- Going to #GHOE for the first time.
- Seeing Lauryn Hill in concert ... twice!!!
- Seeing the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial .. twice!!!
- Passing math class.
- Watching my little cousins experience Disney for the first time.


And so much more! Thanks to everyone who inspired me and taught me something about myself this year (too many to name). Can't wait to make new memories.

Starting off Strong [Day 1]

I woke up at 8:30 this morning and headed straight for the treadmill. It's only Day 1 but I've already determined a couple of key concepts to not forget throughout this 70-day journey. That's right: I've decided to set a timeline and my end date lands on the first day of spring break. Creating a timeline is one of my key concepts to include in my personal plan which I've decided to title: Getting Right in 2012 (#GR2012). So, here's my developing philosophy which will determine my success during the next 70 days.

I just mentioned creating a timeline and schedule. It's not that I'll completely stop after the next 70 days - I'll just reassess and readjust my plan (just in time for Lent). This will give me something to work toward and look forward to while I'm pushing through. After all, my dad always said, "You can do anything for a little while." With the timeline, I can anticipate days that I may need a break (such as our vacation to Disney tomorrow or 100 Days til Graduation Day at school).

Another important initial step is to set clear goals. This doesn't just include how much I want to lose and by when - it should include reasons why. I'm still working on developing these goals for my personal journal, but my main reason is to gain a sense of self-control before I embark on the real world after college. If I start good habits now, I'll just be maintaining them when I go solo.

Evade the hunger monster at all costs, because once he emerges it's a wrap. My self-resolve is only so strong when it comes to food. Therefore, everything I worked for is subject to be thrown away with the foil wrapper of one cheddar-style Cook Out burger. This explains my bad eating habits in the first place, because at school I usually wait (unintentionally) to eat until about 6 p.m. So once 6 p.m. rolls around I'm craving something starchy, cheesy and definitely greasy. And not to mention the stress of the day leading me to a fruity cocktail at an Abuelos Happy Hour. If I can maintain my control and peace of mind by including breakfast into my day and keeping healthy snacks and a motivational mantra at hand, I should be able to hold the hunger monster at bay. I don't eat a lot, it's just what I eat and how often I eat that is the issue.

With the help of Google Docs, I'm going to record, record, record. Everything from my mood each day, to what goes in my mouth to the amount of exercise I accomplished. This will help me to stay on track and monitor what I'm doing over the couse of the journey.

It's unrealistic to say that there won't be bad days (sick days, running late days). But I've promised myself that I'll decide if it's a bad day once in the gym. If I can make it to the gym before I decide if I can make it through another workout or not, then I'm much more likely to push through than if I was deciding in bed. If the day really is too "off" to dedicate even 30 min. on the treadmill, then I'll turn around once I'm in the gym.

Positive self-talk is key. Our biggest critic, distractor and enemy is our own mind. We tell ourselves, "Is this thirty minutes on the treadmill even doing anything in the long run?" "I've never been able to do this successfully before, what makes this time different?" "What's one day off really going to hurt?" Our minds can be toxic to our success. That's why I'm developing a mantra and vision board that will keep me going when my negative inner voice emerges. I'm also planning to record the negative thoughts to keep track of them. After all, once I confront and address the thoughts head-on, what do I really have holding me back? I was encouraged by a Huffington Post article that I read yesterday. It emphasizes the power of self-talk towards inner peace which, for me, is the ultimate goal.

One of the most important concepts, in my opinion, is to share the journey. That's what I'm planning to do through my blog and by partnering up. From gym partners to cafeteria partners to inspirational coaches to my blog readers, I know that I'll need all the help I can get. As much as it may annoy us, people hold us accountable for what we say we want. I plan to involve as many people as I can to keep me in check when I start to slack.

69 days to go. This will be a piece of (low-cal) cake.

'Twas the Night before Christmas ...

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house ... every creature was stirring, so I began to rouse (definition: stir, wake up - only word I could think of lol).

It's 1:53 a.m. and Christmas feels different this year. One of my brothers is out of town to play in a bowl game - the first Christmas we're not all under the same roof. My other brother is up watching television in his room. My youngest brother is waiting anxiously in his bed with his eyes squeezed shut, in case my dad peaks his head in.


Me?

I just came from getting a not-so-discreet midnight snack in the kitchen. Afraid to scare my brother, I tiptoed around in the dark (knowing good and well how clumsy I am), loudly crashing into walls, doors and chairs downstairs. If my youngest brother does still have some faith in Santa Claus, he probably thinks he's arranging gifts under the tree right now.

Christmas feels different this year. Not even fifteen years ago, I was huddled under a blanket with my little brothers scared to death of getting a glimpse of this giant intruder clad in red. That was when Santa came to my house. My classmates would always tease me for believing in him, but inside, I laughed at them. Yeah, their parents put gifts under the tree, but at my house? Oh no, we were one of the few houses that Santa visited. Why? Because we were believers. Fierce believers.

Deep inside, I think I still am. I believe in the spirit of Santa and everything that he represents - giving selflessly, family, faith, appreciation, etc. But I always knew that once that glimmer of faith began to fade, that's when he would stop making house calls and parents would have to step in - hence the reason why so many of my skeptical elementary school classmates didn't know him. I don't know that my youngest brother's faith is as strong as ours was. But then, who can blame him? With a house full of twenty-something year old brothers and sisters who stay up late into the night on Christmas Eve, you'd start to doubt too. Just last year he would beg all of us to go lay down around 10:30 p.m. This year my dad had to force him to go lay down.

Times are changing in the Moore household. But I guess change isn't always bad. We're growing up and one of the blessing of growth is that you get to experience being more of a giver than a receiver ... and giving feels so much more rewarding than the former. I just hope Santa comes to visit my kids - the concept of unwavering faith is the greatest gift I can give them.

Merry Christmas!

Death over Designer

So, the newest edition of Air Jordans came out last night at Midnight and it was amazing to see the twitpics of people standing in line outside in the cold all across the country for these coveted kicks. It was even more astounding to wake up this morning and read about the violence and fatalities that occurred as people tried to get their hands on these shoes. In Atlanta, a rowdy crowd broke a door down to get into the mall. Across the country in Seattle, officers were "forced" to mace a group of about twenty over-overzealous shoe-buyers. In Richmond, a shot was fired as crowds broke windows to get into the mall.

How would you feel if your loved one died over a pair of shoes?

According to J. Cole, that's "death over designer." Me? I just can't wrap my head around it. It's amazing to think about our fixation on material things, but when we think about our commitment to other, seemingly more important concepts like voting or taking care of ourselves, we seem to not be as passionate.

Actor Lamond Rucker (the sexy sheriff/Jill Scott's better man in "Why Did I Get Married") came to Hampton a few weeks ago to talk about HIV/AIDS prevention. Bruh was deeper than I had anticipated but one thing he said really stuck with me:

"Your generation is quicker to spend their last or take care of material things than they are to take care of themselves."

While he was referencing safe sex, I immediately thought about where I had witnessed this in my life. Whether it's my ten-year old brother's best friend who places his expensive shoes in a shoe box with tissue inside to change into less expensive shoes when they want to go outside in play, or the classmate who hand-washes his Mercedes every other weekend to make sure it stays shiny, I can definitely attest to witnessing this. 

But then I turned the mirror on myself. How many times had I missed taking my medicine in a month compared to how many times I had missed a hair appointment? The truth was shameful. Since then I haven't missed it one time. 

We have to start taking care of ourselves, y'all. There's nothing wrong with wanting nice things but we need to make sure our interior is as fresh as our exterior.

It's Not the MS ...

One of the main reasons I don't like associating with other people who have MS or reading about MS is because it always gets me unnecessarily paranoid. I understand that MS can cause a lot of different symptoms and I understand that personally, my consistent symptom is fatigue. MS is different for everybody and someone else's symptoms don't necessarily relate to mine.

This morning, the MS Society tweeted a blog post from a woman who said that MS makes her coughs last far longer than normal. She said that many people don't realize it but MS can affect respiratory functioning. I couldn't help but think back to about a month ago when I developed bronchitis and was coughing for about three weeks. The woman described vicious coughing attacks in which strangers had to ask her if she needed them to call for help.

Did I experience that? Heck no!

Most likely my cough was brought on the wacky weather in Virginia and it lasted so long because I stopped taking my prescribed antibiotics on day three when my cough seemed like it was subsiding. Just because I have MS doesn't mean every little thing that happens to me should be attributed to it.

My parents have been slightly salty with me because I've been so lazy since I've been home. My excuse? This semester was physically and emotionally draining. All I wanted was a few days to lay in the bed, watch Food Network, play The Sims and eat whatever I wanted. Instead, they became worried that my laziness and bad eating habits (I wanted Waffle House at 11 p.m. one night) was being caused by a deeper, subconscious depression that even I couldn't detect. A depression most likely caused by the fact that I have MS.

Look, people. I have MS. I take an injection every morning when I wake up. Is it annoying? Definitely. Am I suffering from it? Not at all. Am I depressed by it? Not at all. My cold lasted three weeks because I didn't take it seriously. I lay around for three days straight when I got home for break because I was drained and so happy to not have any urgent responsibilities at hand. I tried to eat in the middle of the night because I'm in college and that's what I'm used to doing.

Bottom line? It's not the MS; trust me - it's just me.

Stepping into Brand New

As the new year approaches, I can't help but look forward to the changes it will bring. 2012 will be a big year for me - graduating from college then moving on to God knows where. With all of these factors due to change around me, I am anxious to commit to change on the inside, as well. From health to money management to relationships, I am vowing to get all the way up out of my own way in the new year. A wise classmate by the name of Mickey Ivey once told me, "The only thing holding you back is you. Therefore, instead of placing blame on other people and factors - I'm turning the mirror on myself to get a real hard look. In 2012, it'll be mind over matter. Here's a few steps I've outlined to make realistic but completely transformative changes next year.

Baby Steps
It's definitely unrealistic to think that I will be completely brand new when I wake up on January 1 - I'm not Charlie Sheen. Which is why I'll be starting with baby steps - slight adjustments in my day-to-daylife that I can commit to and add to once they are mastered. For example, exercising twice-a-week for one hour. Eating out no more than three times a week (as opposed to seven). Praying and making my bed each morning (because in the words of a wise sage by the name of Moose: when your bed is made, your mind is made). By this time next year, these baby steps will have grown into adult leaps that involve working out up to five times a week, eating out once-a-week and maintaining my zen at all times despite outside stressors.

One Step at a Time
After a lot of thought and consideration, I have determined that my lack of attention and focus within the past year or so is due to constant distraction. I'm overloaded with unnecessary responsibilities at school, my television is always on and I'm staring at my Twitter timeline for the majority of my day. Who wouldn't find it hard to focus on what they need to do? While most of my peers may have adapted to the increased technological distraction that surrounds us today, I have had an extremely difficult time catching up. Instead of attributing my short and limited attention span to mental and physical changes (M.S.) - I'm convinced it has to be the constant inundation of technology, which I didn't have to deal with to this extent just a few years ago in middle or high school. Limiting my intake of these habitual distractors will help me to stay focused and accomplish what I need to do. For example, by writing this blog on a notepad before logging onto the Internet or turning on my television, I was able to finish it in 30 minutes. I've decided that there's nothing wrong with not being able to multi-task - I just need to understand that about myself and adjust accordingly.

Step Out of My Own Way
The only thing that's stopping me from being who and what I want to be is me - which is a beautiful but frustrating idea. If I tell myself I am too tired to get up in the morning, then guess what? I'm sleeping in (and probably missing class). If I tell myself I'd rather eat at Abuelos, Cheddars or Waffle House instead of eating in a salad in the cafeteria, then guess what? I'm eating out. If I tell myself I'm not focused enough to finish my book and to wait until the morning, then guess what? It's not getting finished. I guess the scope of that is what's scary and frustrating. It's the fact that the world could be at your finger tips ... you just have to untie your own wrists and reach for it.

Another wise man by the name of Kanye West once said, "We at war with terrorism, racism - but most of all, we at war with ourselves." Welp, I'm officially at war with myself and I'm suiting up - I just hope Jesus continues to walk with me.

*Glad I'm back? You can expect more frequent updates soon regarding my personal battle with health, relationships (lots of juice there) and finishing college/graduating to a new chapter. Stick with me! I'll need the encouragement.