A Sign from Above

If you know me well, you'll know what I mean when I tell you I'm a sucker for signs. I see signs everywhere. In the random occurrences of the day, I find meaning for life in the simplest and most complex situations and people. Whether it's something as small as a butterfly crossing my path to remind me of that "life goes on," or as big as being lost and led home by a school bus that says (written in the dirt residue on the side) "follow me" (both of these occurrences have happened); it's a meaning that may tell me to go left, to go right, up or down. It may tell me the purpose of a situation or the reasoning behind a life-changing event. Either way, while this may sound superstitious, it's these signs that I consciously (and subconsciously) live my life by.

I met my most recent sign when I joined the Gospel Choir a few weeks ago. Right after the very first rehearsal, we joined hands and the choir president asked if there were any prayer requests. My sign raised her hand (let's call her Jasmine). Jasmine told the group that her mother suffers from MS and hasn't been doing well since Jasmine left home. She asked for our prayers. Immediately after practice I approached her and told her that I also have MS and would be praying for her mom. She looked at me in awe. "But you're so young," she said, obviously confused. I could feel her staring at me as I left practice.

Every practice, she would talk about her mother and tell details that sometimes made me uncomfortable. "My mom has really been having trouble walking lately. Please pray for her..." "My mom went to the doctor last week and they found more lesions on her brain. Please pray for her..." "I don't know how many of you know this, but my mom has to give herself injections everyday for her MS and she's really been struggling with it lately because her hands are shaky. I think she's going to have to get a nurse to give her the shots. Please pray for her..."

While I did continue to pray for Jasmine and her mother, I couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed by her openness about the disease and uncomfortable about the details she gave. No one in the room knew I, too, had MS and I didn't want them to judge the disease from only hearing Jasmine's sad accounts. Plus, hearing her talk about her mother's struggles did ignite small fears in my own mind. Could that be me one day?

Following each practice, Jasmine would make her way over to me to ask me how I'm feeling. I would always tell her (enthusiastically) that I'm fine and would continue to pray for her mom. Each time she seemed skeptical. Outside of practice, I could feel Jasmine's surprise when she saw me MC'ing for an open mic event, working at my dorm and hanging up posters around campus. She seemed awed by my activity and confused by my optimism.

Before realizing that Jasmine was a bright, flashing sign in my life, I asked God for guidance last week. I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed with all that I'm doing this semester and of all my activities, the Gospel Choir seemed to be the expendable factor. However, while it does require a large commitment, it is one of the things I have been enjoying most this semester. With the choir dues being collected for the last time on Thursday, I asked God to please show me a sign to tell me what I should do.

I walked into practice on Thursday, prepared for it to be my last time singing with this group. I walked in an hour late, expecting to have to wait outside since practice is usually in full-swing by then. Instead, as I walked up the stairs to the practice area I hear someone's loud sobs over the solemn hum of the choir. Everyone was standing and crowded around someone in the middle of the room. I take my place amongst the group, confused. I cannot see who everyone is surrounding so I just bow my head and begin to hum along with the rest of the choir. Suddenly the crowd parts and I see none other than Jasmine. Her face is red and damp with tears as she is overcome with emotion.

My heart drops as my stomach sinks. I'm paralyzed with alarm. Ignoring etiquette, I whisper to the girl beside me. "Please tell me nothing happened to her mom..."

My neighbor whispers back. "Oh no. She stopped rehearsal to come forward and tell the choir how much we've meant to her since she's come to college. She said with everything that her mom is going through, we've given her the support she needed to stay strong. She said there's someone in the choir who has really affected and inspired her through their strength. She wouldn't say who but she said this person has really been a blessing and given her hope that everything with her mom will be fine."

As I listen to this, I make sudden eye contact with Jasmine and I knew. This person who had affected her was me. As she was being enveloped in hugs, Jasmine smiled at me and mouthed "thank you." I immediately felt tears welling up in my eyes. "Okay God," I said in my head. "I get it."

After everyone consoled her, I approached Jasmine and before I could say a word she wrapped her arms around my neck and sobbed. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. As I finally pulled away, I whispered, "I'm really glad I met you." In an attempt to respond, Jasmine let out another loud sob and nodded.

Looks like this choir is where I'm supposed to be for now.