Don't Judge Me!

"Don't judge me!" "Only God can judge me." "I feel like you're judging me." "I just don't want you to judge me." "Okay...so, don't judge me but..."

I have heard people say these exact words my entire life...but I've never understood exactly what they meant until recently. Now, I feel like I suddenly have a better understanding of what it's like to be judged, what it is to judge others and what it's like to be scared of someone's judgment.

It all goes back to one of my biggest fears...people knowing that I have Multiple Sclerosis. Blogging about it is one of the hardest things I've done, but I decided I need to overcome it. Pressing "Publish Post" is honestly a chore, every single time I write about it. Why? Because I'm so afraid of your judgment. Like many people who deal with an illness, I didn't want to broadcast that I had MS, because I didn't want people to think I was sick. Or handicapped. Or weak. Or incapable...because I'm NOT!

Some say MS is like a fingerprint: everyone can deal with different symptoms. While some may deal with immobility and are wheelchair-bound, my main symptom (currently) is fatigue. Praise God that I can get up in the morning and move around (though clumsily lol). Though more mature, enlightened, encouraged and empowered; I am the exact same Jess that most of you knew before I was diagnosed a year ago.

Being young and naive, I used to wonder, "how can you judge someone by simply observing what they are?" Well, younger self, you really have no clue WHO they are. It's rare that any of us actually know the whole story.

In our minds, we've already figured out the person's entire back-story. The girl who sleeps around was actually raised by an abusive pedophile who made her feel like sex was the only path toward real love. The girl with leukemia is actually in remission and runs a mile every morning. The boy with the name-brand clothes grew up with an adoptive family that spoiled him as much as they could because he had never been spoiled before. La'Phrankeisha actually comes from the most suburban, wealthy neighborhood in California and she's here at school on a full scholarship.

Sure, these circumstances may not always be the case...but how would we know? All we can really worry about is ourselves. How we perceive others and how others perceive us is truly subjective.

It's true, only God can judge any of us. Only He knows the untold story and what really lies beneath our masks. I challenge each of you to watch your thoughts and watch how you perceive people. You never know what they have been through or why they do what they do.

On that note: Yes, I have Multiple Sclerosis. And yes, [just about] anything you can do...I can do better ;)