Take Charge of YOUR Happiness

What makes you happy? Really think about it for a moment. I started wondering about the concept of happiness last year, and never really stopped thinking about it. I started asking myself, what actually happens on my "good days?" What happens on my "bad days?"

Well, here's what I found. When I come home from work feeling good, it's usually for a couple of reasons.

1. I got enough rest. For me this isn't an issue anymore, because I physically cannot stay up past 11 p.m...no matter how hard I try. Even though it bugs me because everyone else my age can stay up all night and have fun...the positive thing is that I sleep like a rock and get a consistent 7+ hours of sleep every night.
   
2. I exercised. Starting the day off with some cardio is scientifically proven to stimulate chemicals in the brain that help cognition, such as serotonin, glutamate and norepinephrine.
3. I ate breakfast. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes. It doesn't have to be a texas omelet with a t-bone and grits. Grab a pack of crackers within an hour of getting up or make a sandwich. It speeds up the metabolism and fuels you up with strength and energy for the day.
   
4. I listened to my favorite songs. PANDORA has changed my life. My India Arie Radio has me singing positive affirmations all day.
5. I made it to work with time to spare. I'm the type of person that gets stressed...quickly, if I'm in a rush. I misplace things and forget everything else. Leaving a few minutes early to beat traffic and get to work before the first meeting allows me to take a breath and get my mind right before heading into the fray.
6. I was productive. I actually did some work that's going to make tomorrow a little easier. Whether it was
   
7. I did something out of the ordinary. The daily routine can get old...fast. Sometimes taking an hour to go outside with the laptop and enjoy the sunshine can really help your mood. Today, I snuck in an office closet, kicked my shoes off and did some jumping jacks for one-minute to shake the tiredness I was feeling. And it worked!
8. I CLAIMED IT. Instead of waking up and saying, "UGH. It's gonna be a LONG day. Lord, help me," as many of my follower do on Twitter. Wake up and claim the opposite. "Thank you God for waking me up this morning and allowing me yet ANOTHER chance to get it right. This is going to be a great and productive day." You'll be amazed at how different your day turns out, just by saying these words (and actually believing them).

So, what classifies as my bad day? Doing the opposite of all of these things. Being lazy (ie: staying up late and missing the alarm clock, missing breakfast, watching the clock, being negative) can make my days drag by and seem purposeless.

My advice? Let's stop being RE-active and start being PRO-active. Too often we let others decide how our day will be. Our moods turn into emotions derived from our reactions to others. Someone cut me off this morning- man, I was hoping to have a good day. Someone took my parking spot- man, I was hoping to have a good day. The cafeteria ran out of pizza- man, I was hoping to have a good day. My co-worker was rude to me- man, I was hoping to have a good day.

NOBODY can make you feel ANYTHING without your permission. Don't let someone else ruin your high- you can't control why they're so upset. Brush them off, laugh about it and keep on struttin'. Figure out what constitutes your good days and take charge of YOUR happiness! You'll have nothing but good days to come.

What helps guarantee your good days?

Don't Judge Me!

"Don't judge me!" "Only God can judge me." "I feel like you're judging me." "I just don't want you to judge me." "Okay...so, don't judge me but..."

I have heard people say these exact words my entire life...but I've never understood exactly what they meant until recently. Now, I feel like I suddenly have a better understanding of what it's like to be judged, what it is to judge others and what it's like to be scared of someone's judgment.

It all goes back to one of my biggest fears...people knowing that I have Multiple Sclerosis. Blogging about it is one of the hardest things I've done, but I decided I need to overcome it. Pressing "Publish Post" is honestly a chore, every single time I write about it. Why? Because I'm so afraid of your judgment. Like many people who deal with an illness, I didn't want to broadcast that I had MS, because I didn't want people to think I was sick. Or handicapped. Or weak. Or incapable...because I'm NOT!

Some say MS is like a fingerprint: everyone can deal with different symptoms. While some may deal with immobility and are wheelchair-bound, my main symptom (currently) is fatigue. Praise God that I can get up in the morning and move around (though clumsily lol). Though more mature, enlightened, encouraged and empowered; I am the exact same Jess that most of you knew before I was diagnosed a year ago.

Being young and naive, I used to wonder, "how can you judge someone by simply observing what they are?" Well, younger self, you really have no clue WHO they are. It's rare that any of us actually know the whole story.

In our minds, we've already figured out the person's entire back-story. The girl who sleeps around was actually raised by an abusive pedophile who made her feel like sex was the only path toward real love. The girl with leukemia is actually in remission and runs a mile every morning. The boy with the name-brand clothes grew up with an adoptive family that spoiled him as much as they could because he had never been spoiled before. La'Phrankeisha actually comes from the most suburban, wealthy neighborhood in California and she's here at school on a full scholarship.

Sure, these circumstances may not always be the case...but how would we know? All we can really worry about is ourselves. How we perceive others and how others perceive us is truly subjective.

It's true, only God can judge any of us. Only He knows the untold story and what really lies beneath our masks. I challenge each of you to watch your thoughts and watch how you perceive people. You never know what they have been through or why they do what they do.

On that note: Yes, I have Multiple Sclerosis. And yes, [just about] anything you can do...I can do better ;)

When I Grow Up...

What you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I'm betting that it's pretty different than what you're doing (or preparing to do) now. Based on the direction I'm headed in...my career could be pretty different, too.

As kids, we were very in touch with what we liked, what we didn't like, what we wanted and what we didn't want. What happened? As time passed, we became bombarded with outside influences that make us scatterbrained, indecisive and less confident in our childhood dreams. For all we know, these influences could have set us back farther away from our purpose.

I recently read If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You, by Kelly Cutrone. As a child, she would execute large-scale neighborhood events and fundraisers. Now as an entrepreneur, PR mogul and icon; she talks about how she rediscovered her childhood dreams and has never been happier or more confident that she is fulfilling her purpose. Best of all...she loves what she does!

As a child, I was beyond sure that I would be a writer. Not a journalist, but an author. And not just an author, but a BEST-SELLING author (I've always been ambitious lol). I also promised myself that I would open my own bookstore/cafe' called Timbuktu ("where every race came to get books to learn from black teachers who taught Greeks and Romans, Asian, Arabs..." -Nas, I Know I Can). I wrote three novels during elementary, middle and high school (all over 100 pages), but I never let anyone read them (out of fear of criticism). Yet, looking back over them, I think they're pretty good...if I do say so myself :)

But where did our dreams and plans go? I think we started looking at other peoples' successes, statistics, how much work it takes to obtain our visions...and suddenly, these dreams don't seem too realistic. I think we start following in another person's path, hoping to gain the same fulfillment and results- when our hearts really aren't in it.

I think I'm going to have a few people look at my latest novel and give me some feedback. I may be able to make publishing moves now! Maybe I could even invest in a little hole-in-the-wall and become an entrepreneur sooner than I imagined! Now that I think about it, I also had dreams of being a background singer (harmonizing and snapping from left to right), and even being a mayor of a small town. Those dreams may seem pretty silly now...but I was more confident in them than ever, when I was younger.

I think it's time I rediscovered my passion and childhood dreams. Sometimes our purpose is clear...it's what has been in front of our faces all along!

Whether you always saw yourself as a teacher, chef, an artist, designer, a mom, a dad, a firefighter, an actor, doctor, preacher or even the president of the country...maybe it's time for you to revisit that vision! Remember when teachers used to tell us we could be anything we put our minds too? Well, I'm pretty sure that it's still true!

Back to the Future

Have you seen the movie series, Back to the Future? Made in the '80's, the series stars Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox, who use a DeLorean time machine to travel to the past (1955) and in Part II, to the future (2015). I watched the second movie on ABC Family and started to subconsciously compare their vision of the future to where we are now. It's funny how a lot of what the producers and writers predicted, has now come to fruition. Some predictions were also made in literature. The first being the Bible's Book of Revelations (which is too deep for me to even attempt to write about), and others in examples like 1984 by George Orwell or even Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.

While many of these "predictions" have come true, one must wonder if the predictions are actually inspired forecasting or simply self-fulfilling prophecies. In my opinion, it's the power of envisioning. We see what others envision (or even what we personally envision) and subconsciously/consciously work to bring these visions to light. The same can be applied to horoscopes that magically seem to come true, or even fortune-telling tarot cards.

So, where did these visions lead us? After watching Back to the Future, Part II- I started wondering how culturally far we are from what others predicted. Attempting to place myself in the mindset of someone from the past, transported to now, here's what I discovered:

1. Robots taking jobs?

So, remember how we used to bring or groceries to the cashier, who would bag them for us? Not anymore! There's this phenomenon called "self check-out" and it's in almost every store I visited! Not only did I have to scan and bag the groceries myself...I didn't have to speak to one human the whole time! Speaking of interaction...want to rent a movie? Why bother going to the store and actually interacting with a clerk to find the one you want? Now, you can go to something called "Redbox" and press a few buttons to get the movie you want. Don't feel like going out? Order a movie straight to your TV with something called Netflix!

2. WOW! Life-Sized Barbies?!

I have been seeing "plastic women" all day. Black women have long, straight hair with narrow, straight noses and some even have bright, blue eyes! I've seen white women with huge breasts, huge backsides and faces that show no expression when they talk. I saw an Asian woman today with large, green eyes! Last week I even saw an obese Latina women enter a hospital and hours letter come out thinner than a toothpick! What is going on??

3. I can read people's minds! (Literally)

So, I used to always wonder what people were thinking...now I can get a computer (a machine that seems to host an entire world) and read random people thoughts on website like Twitter and Facebook. And I don't even have to respond to them!

4. There's INSTANT access to info.

People used to complain about informational divides, but now, almost everyone can receive information on ANYTHING with the click of a button! The term "google it" is more common than "do you know...?"

5. YOUR BABY CAN READ!

6. Big Brother

Big Brother is watching and people are actually giving in! Cell phones (personal phones that stay attached to the human body) can track individuals within a one mile radius...even when they're not on the phone! Think people would protest this? Well, they actually REPORT where they are and what they're doing to the world on the Internet!

7. Video Chat

I can actually look at you as I speak to you on the phone!

8. The Green Movement

People think that the world is going to come to an end if they continue to do simple things such as throw away (instead of recycling) trash, drive cars or even cut down a tree! Now, the focus is on "all-natural" foods, walking to work and even driving electric cars! Flying cars haven't emerged yet.

9. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA/LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD IS BLACK.

And he looks NOTHING like the other presidents on the classroom timeline.

These phenomenons that we commonly regard with little thought as to how they came about, were all derived by the imagination (or vision) of others. Want to predict your future? Envision it and I can pretty much guarantee you that it will come true. Your future is in your head.

*Can you think of any other "futuristic" things that are happening right now? Try to think of yourself as a visitor from the past and feel free to share...I find futuristic things everywhere!